9 Steps to Healing Childhood Trauma as an Adult

Trauma triggers emotions, and if these emotions are not dealt with when the trauma happens, they can remain trapped in our minds and bodies. Instead of resolving the initial injury, the trauma lingers in our body as unconscious energy, impacting our lives until we address and work through it. Ensuring the healthy management and resolution of challenging emotions like anger, sadness, shame, and fear is crucial for recovering from childhood trauma in adulthood.

The best way to address childhood emotional wounds is often the least common: Acknowledge the impact of the trauma on our self-perception, experience the natural emotions that come with it, and understand that the violation doesn’t define us personally. By refraining from attaching negative significance to it, we can release it.

Processing emotions like anger and sadness is crucial, but societal norms may lead to suppression instead. Children may struggle more as insults can deeply impact them, causing lasting harm compared to adults. (body dysmorphia, depression, etc.).

Carrying these emotional wounds into adulthood can impact our lives, including relationships, careers, happiness, and health. However, we can begin the healing process once we acknowledge and address these feelings.

Why we don’t always feel our feelings

Even the most caring and attentive parents have the potential to impact our self-perception in lasting ways. Despite their good intentions and desire to shield us from pain, parents may have swiftly intervened following a distressing event. “Don’t feel bad – it’s okay,” our caregiver reassured us when tears started to flow. The reality is, that experiencing negative emotions can be beneficial for our growth. It was important for us to acknowledge and reflect on our feelings during those moments of distress.

Perhaps our caregivers weren’t affectionate or attentive, and they insisted that we suppress our tears when we were upset. Consequently, we missed out on learning how to manage our emotions effectively. We didn’t grasp the concept that feelings are transient, with a clear start, middle, and conclusion, and that we can overcome them. When we fail to comprehend how to process our emotions, it’s possible for us to view all feelings as frightening.

During childhood, we often confuse our feelings with our sense of self, believing that our feelings define who we are. When our feelings are not acknowledged or accepted in a particular setting, we might conclude that we ourselves are not accepted.

Healing from childhood trauma requires completing a process that ideally should have commenced when the initial injury occurred many years ago. It is recommended to begin with a minor trauma when attempting this exercise for the first time.

1. Ground it.

To make this process effective, it’s essential to be present in the moment and connected with your body. Start by locating a peaceful spot where you won’t be interrupted. Sit in a relaxed position with your eyes shut, and take a few deep breaths to center yourself within your body. Contract and release your muscles, and notice the weight in your arms. Allow yourself to feel grounded on the surface beneath you. Visualize a flow of energy running from your tailbone down to the earth’s core. Once you sense that you are fully centered in your body, proceed to Step 2.

2. Recall it.

Reflect on a recent upsetting situation. Identify something that triggered a mild to strong emotional response, or would have if you weren’t feeling emotionally detached. Recount the event in thorough detail, and transport yourself back to that moment. Engage all your senses to relive the experience. Once emotions start surfacing, proceed to Step 3.

3. Sense it.

Take a few deep breaths and allow yourself a moment of peaceful relaxation. Next, mentally scan your body for any sensations. I like to refer to this practice as “percolating” because it involves your emotions stirring and bubbling up within you. Pay attention to any physical responses you notice – whether it’s tingling, tightness, or a burning sensation. Each of these feelings provides valuable insights into your past experiences. Take time to examine these sensations and articulate them silently to yourself in as much detail as possible. Once you’ve explored and described all your physical reactions, you can proceed to Step 4.

4. Name it.

Associate an emotion with each sensation you experience. Is the tightness in your chest a sign of anxiety? Does the warmth spreading up your arms indicate anger? Before beginning this activity, you might consider referring to the available list of emotions located at the bottom right of the page. It’s crucial to distinguish between closely related emotions to gain a deeper understanding of your feelings. This process will enhance your self-awareness and enrich your emotional intelligence. After identifying your emotions, proceed to Step 5.

5. Love it.

In a mindful healing process for trauma, it is crucial to embrace all emotions. Regardless of whether they align with your current thoughts, acknowledge each feeling by saying, “I love myself for feeling (angry, sad, anxious, etc.).” This practice should be applied to all emotions, particularly the challenging ones. Embrace your humanity and show yourself love. Once you have accepted and embraced all your emotions, proceed to Step 6.

6. Feel and experience it.

Sit with your emotions and their sensations, allowing the feelings to flow and permeate. Rather than trying to alter or conceal them, simply observe them. Embrace any discomfort you may encounter, understanding that it will pass and contribute to your healing process. Permit your body to react naturally. If tears come, let them flow. If you feel like shouting or releasing tension, express yourself by shouting or releasing energy harmlessly. Effectively expressing your emotions is crucial for acknowledging and processing them fully. Once you have experienced and processed your emotions, proceed to Step 7.

7. Receive its message and wisdom.

Can the sensations or emotions you are feeling right now be connected to past experiences? Do they offer any insights into the root of trauma or negative beliefs you hold about yourself? If you find yourself thinking, “I’m not getting anything,” try asking, “If this emotion could speak to me, what would it say?” If you still struggle, try free writing. Spend 10 minutes journaling about the significance of the emotion without pausing. Once you feel you’ve understood all the messages hidden in your emotions, proceed to Step 8.

8. Share it.

If you are open to sharing your thoughts with someone, go ahead. Alternatively, you can jot down your reflections on your own. Detail the initial impact of the upsetting incident, your immediate response, and your current understanding of it. Expressing your experiences and feelings through conversation or writing is crucial for the healing process. Writing unsent letters to those who caused you pain can be a powerful way to release pent-up emotions. After sharing your reflections…

9. Let it go.

Envision releasing the energy that your trauma has held within you, visualize it leaving your body. You can also perform a physical ritual to let go, such as safely burning a letter addressed to the person who caused you pain, or symbolically discarding the trauma by letting go of an object into the sea.