Assisting Parents/Caregivers in Coping with Collective Traumas

In recent years, we have faced various collective traumas such as a pandemic, economic challenges, violence, racism, discrimination, religious intolerance, and policy changes affecting specific groups. Additionally, there have been numerous stressors like juggling work and parental responsibilities and handling other commitments at home or in our personal lives. This mix of traumas and stressors can be quite overwhelming. Especially if you’ve gone through past traumas and are being triggered by current events or reminders of historical traumas. Here are some coping strategies to assist you during this time:

Have compassion for yourself and others. Recognize that you are going through a lot at the moment. Your ability to respond may differ from before, and that’s perfectly fine. Remember that you are trying your best. Extend the same understanding to your family, colleagues, and friends. Stay open to adjusting what you can offer. Try to see things from their point of view to better understand their feelings and empathize with their situations.

Acknowledge how your identities are being impacted. You might experience increased threat, fear, or insecurity when certain aspects of your identity such as race, ethnicity, gender identity, sexual orientation, disability status, or religion are targeted by violence, policy shifts, hate speech, or other harmful actions. This can lead to feelings of isolation or disconnection from your loved ones, colleagues, or the community. Seek support from individuals who share your identities or from allies who can empathize with the impact of these traumas and stresses on you.

Self-reflect before reacting. Pause and reflect on how a situation is affecting you before engaging with others. Your emotions are important and should be recognized. Feelings of anger, bitterness, sorrow, and concerns about the future should be acknowledged before formulating a response. It’s essential to prioritize self-care before offering assistance to others. Be aware that these emotions might linger. Simply taking a moment for a few deep breaths can aid in collecting your thoughts. Consider any potential implicit biases you may have (unconscious attitudes or stereotypes towards others) and adjust your response to show empathy, understanding, and compassion.

Search for meaning. You might notice that systems and institutions are not always able to safeguard those they are supposed to protect. This can shake your trust in others, your religious or spiritual beliefs, and your perceptions of the world. Seeking meaning in the midst of discrimination and hatred can be incredibly difficult, intensifying your distress. Engaging with informative materials and conversing with trusted individuals like friends, family, colleagues, and spiritual guides can assist you in shaping and exploring your thoughts on why distressing events occur and how to manage them.

Limit media and social media exposure. Media and social media coverage are ever-present. Sometimes, we may feel compelled to immerse ourselves in the suffering of others, but you can manage this by setting specific times to engage with the news. Use these breaks to connect with loved ones, pets, nature, or activities that bring you peace and rejuvenate you. Pay attention to your reactions to news alerts, and consider either turning them off or setting aside your devices during tasks that demand your full attention.

Take time to care for yourself. We all need to allocate time for self-care, which is not selfish but rather essential for our well-being and ability to support others effectively. The Pause, Reset, Nourish (PRN) Framework, designed for wellness, offers practical tips for various moments in the day:

Connect with others. Seeking chances to connect with others can bring comfort, especially during tough times. Interacting with loved ones can bring happiness, laughter, and valuable relationships. If you’re concerned about others, reach out to show you care – even a simple gesture can provide solace. Similarly, don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed, like seeking support in parenting when you need a break.

Seek help. At times, the accumulation of stress and trauma can become burdensome, affecting our daily tasks. It’s crucial to remember that you are not alone in this journey; seeking additional support during challenging times is important for everyone. Reach out to 211 or your local library to explore the community resources available. Additionally, consider speaking with a mental health professional, healthcare provider, faith leader, a trusted friend, or contacting a helpline for assistance.

• Crisis Text Line, Text “MHA” to 741-741

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Call 988 or use the chat box at 988lifeline.org.

• Disaster Distress Helpline, Call or text (800) 985-5990 (For Spanish, press “2”) to be connected to a trained counselor 24/7/365

Things You Can Do for Your Children

Spend time talking with your children. Engage in regular discussions with your children regarding what they hear, how current events affect them, and how they respond. By showing your willingness to talk, you reassure them that they can depend on you and that they aren’t facing these intense emotions alone. Share family situations that impact you or a family member, particularly if anyone feels threatened due to their identity. Validate their emotions as normal, promote open dialogue, and welcome questions. These conversations may be challenging but are crucial to have. Reflect on the messages you want to convey and the values you wish to instill. Use language appropriate for their age when discussing what they’ve observed or heard, and address any misinformation they may have encountered. Monitor their exposure to media and discuss any content they have viewed, heard, or read. If possible, shield preschoolers from news coverage.

Identify other people your children may find supportive. Kids might feel the need to talk about their worries not only with you but also with peers who share their identities or have been discussing current events. Assist them in connecting with these individuals to provide extra support during this period.

Help children feel safe. Engage in conversations with your children regarding their safety concerns and collaborate on finding solutions to address them. This could involve seeking assistance from trusted individuals, informing school authorities about the situation, or seeking advice from cultural or religious figures.

Enhance your child’s coping. Encourage your children to show kindness to themselves and understand that it’s normal for their feelings to change. Introduce them to the PRN framework, teaching them to pause, reset, and take care of themselves. Discover family activities, such as cultural and religious traditions, that can be enjoyed together, like dance nights, experimenting with new recipes, going for walks, having game nights, or virtually spending time with relatives who live far away. Establish a daily routine for the whole family that prioritizes self-care and moments of peace.

Seek change. Share ideas on how you plan to contribute to fighting against injustices. This might involve engaging in a community group event, establishing a school group, or offering support to peers experiencing heightened vulnerability. Whether through small gestures or significant actions, aim to be a beacon of positive change through both your words and deeds. Giving your time and skills can bring purpose and aid in managing challenges.

Check-in on a regular basis. Regrettably, numerous stressors are expected to persist in the near future. Make sure to regularly communicate with your children. This reassures them that you are always there to provide support, particularly during these difficult times.

Ask for help. Don’t hesitate to seek help or support when navigating the challenges of parenting, especially during these particularly stressful times. Remember, there’s no manual for parenting, but you can lean on your pediatrician, faith leader, and local mental health agencies for valuable support and guidance. Here are some helplines focused on teenagers and young adults:

• The JED Foundation (for emotional health and suicide prevention), Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text “START” to 741-741

• Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth), Call 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 678-678

• Love is Respect (for dating abuse and healthy relationships), Call 1-866-331-9474 or text “LOVEIS” to 22522