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Developing Resilient Relationships

Why do resilient relationships matter?

From both a biological and social standpoint, humans function as pack animals. We have developed to depend on robust relational support systems for our growth and survival. Relationships play a crucial role in alleviating anxiety and stress, serving as a reminder that we don’t have to confront our challenges in isolation.

What kinds of support do resilient relationships offer?

Emotional support – Connecting with others can help to contextualize or reduce the negative emotions we feel. These relationships also help to magnify positive emotions we experience through cooperation.

Cognitive support – Individuals or groups we share relationships with can help to organize our thoughts. Seeking the counsel of a loved one in making plans and decisions can offer new perspectives we may not have previously considered.

Instrumental support – Many hands make light work. Utilizing the help of others in running errands or assistance in performing tasks can strengthen bonds and reduce the burden of cumbersome activities.

Tips for building resilient relationships

Quality Over Quantity – Family members, neighbors, coworkers, and teammates, along with religious, ethnic, and regional communities, can serve as valuable support systems. It’s essential to recognize that a few close relationships can provide stronger support than numerous less personal ones.

Validating Feelings – Even in the strongest relationships, disagreements may occur. When differing opinions arise, practicing validation can help fortify relationships during conflicts. Validation involves acknowledging a loved one’s feelings by showing that you hear their words and understand their viewpoint, even if you don’t necessarily agree. This approach fosters open and honest communication.

Reciprocity – Resilient relationships thrive on reciprocity, meaning the effort you invest should be reflected back by the other person. If a relationship begins to feel one-sided, having a constructive conversation about your feelings can help establish mutual expectations. If the other person is unwilling to meet you halfway, it may be beneficial to seek someone who is.

Finding Balance Between Social and Alone Time – Every relationship needs nurturing, but it also requires time for rest. Establishing appropriate boundaries with loved ones allows everyone to have individual time to relax and recharge. Striking a balance between the time spent with others and the time dedicated to yourself is crucial for building a resilient relationship.

Things to consider when thinking about resilient relationships

Trauma – The essence of trauma lies in feelings of helplessness and isolation, while recovery is rooted in empowerment and reconnection. Building, nurturing, and sustaining close, attached relationships are essential for healing from traumatic stress.

Research on Strong Social Support – Numerous studies reveal that individuals with robust interpersonal support systems:

  • Enjoy longer lives – Those with meaningful relationships are 50% less likely to experience premature death. Additionally, being committed to a life partner can extend your lifespan by three years.
  • Manage stress more effectively – A study involving over 100 participants demonstrated that those reminded of their strong relationships recovered more quickly after completing stressful tasks.
  • Experience better health – College students with strong friendships were 50% less likely to contract the common cold when exposed to the virus. In older adults, research indicated that isolation is a significant predictor of adverse health outcomes.
  • Feel wealthier – A survey showed that having twice as many friendships can positively impact your well-being as much as a 50% increase in income.

What were you taught about asking for help?

Our interactions with individuals, groups, and environments influence how likely we are to seek help from others. Reflect on the factors in your life that may have either encouraged or hindered your ability to reach out during times of need, such as:

  • Culture – Is it common in your society to ask for help? Have you felt pressured to handle your challenges independently?
  • Parental figures – Did your parents or guardians promote the idea of seeking assistance? Do you recall instances where they reached out to others for support?
  • Gender – Do you feel constrained or empowered by gender expectations when contemplating asking for help?
  • Life experiences – From your personal perspective, do you find it challenging or easy to approach others for assistance based on your individual beliefs and values?

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